Supplicant
by TheBlindQueen
Summary: Edward approaches the Volturi with his request to end his life.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. Sadly, I'm making no money from this. Rated M for safety. This is the first of two parts.

Title: Supplicant  
Author: TheBlindQueen  
Summary: Edward asks the Volturi to end his life.  
Notes: For me, the most frustrating thing about the books is that we never really get to see inside Edward's mind. (Hopefully Midnight Sun will one day be a reality!) And I've always wondered what he might have been thinking when he went to the Volturi to make his request. Not much adult material here, but I had to write it as the muse directed.

**Supplicant**

A heavy silence fell over the room while Edward waited patiently.

"This is most…unusual," Aro finally said. "In all our years here, I don't believe any of our kind has ever come to us with such a request." He gave a thin smile, tilting his head as he studied the vampire standing before him.

Edward's expression was placid, almost lifeless. "I no longer wish to exist," he said in a husky voice. "My…" he swallowed hard. "My family will not assist me in this, and as you know, it is not an easy process for one of us. We are rather…durable," Edward added with a flash of bitter humor. "I want you to end it _for_ me."

Aro's eyes narrowed. "Why would you make such a request of us, my boy?"

Shrugging, Edward said simply, "It's time."

Aro motioned him forward even as he began moving toward Edward. The ancient held out his hand and Edward lifted his, reluctantly. Their hands met and Aro closed his eyes as Edward's thoughts were opened to him. There was nothing but silence for a long time. At last, Aro opened his eyes, his expression astonished.

"All of this over a HUMAN?" he asked.

Edward looked down at the floor. "It is my wish." He was not going to discuss Bella with them. Her memory was his, precious and treasured. He could not help what Aro saw, but he would not give him anything else.

"My boy, surely you can't wish to end your existence simply because a silly human girl has died?" Aro murmured, glancing at his brother with amusement. "They're so fragile, you know. They die so easily." There was a slight smile playing on his lips. "No need for one of us to even care!"

"You know why," Edward said between clenched teeth. "It is my wish, and we have no law against it."

Aro pursed his lips. "What a waste, my boy." He smiled. "It would have been better if you would have slaked your thirst the first time you met her."

Edward's jaw clenched. "It would have brought harm to my family." That was an excuse of course. There had been so many reasons to resist her blood's allure, and none of them mattered now, because Bella was gone.

"Now you wish to die because she's-"

"Yes."

"But it's simply unbelievable!" Aro insisted.

"It is what I want," Edward repeated. "Will you grant my request or not?"

Aro sighed and shook his head. "You must let us discuss this, Edward." He gave the younger vampire a severe look. "After all, what would Carlisle think if I grant such a request to one of his own coven?"

A look of pain flashed briefly over Edward's face, but he nodded and withdrew from the room.

As he waited, Edward let his mind pull out his few and precious memories of her. Bella, her eyes wide and wondering as she saw him in the sunlight for the first time. The soft warmth of her lips, so different than his own, against his cold flesh. The first time he had realized his love for her was stronger than his thirst for her sweet blood. The tender way she had murmured his name in her sleep, begging him to stay.

To stay. That was all she had asked of him.

And he hadn't.

He had left her, so sure she would forget him and move on with her life. Human memories were such transient things, their feelings even more so. She would forget him, that's what he had told himself even as he walked away from her in the forest. It had been the only thing that gave him the strength to leave her.

He would be no more than a distant dream, a nightmare from which she had escaped. She would say yes to some fortunate man and they would build a life together and it would be as if Edward Cullen had never existed.

That was what he'd hoped. What he'd feared.

And now she was gone. Dead. Nothing he had done had saved her in the end. His sacrifice, the terrible pain he had endured in leaving her was all for nothing. His stubborn Bella had given in to those wild, unformed thoughts he had seen flickering in her eyes, the very reason he had cautioned her, begged her not to do anything reckless or rash. She had not kept her promise, but he had broken faith first.

It was his fault. It was_ all_ his fault. Bella was dead because of him.

There was nothing to keep him in this world any longer. If he was damned, then he was ready to embrace his fate. The fires of hell could be no worse than the agony he felt now, knowing that Bella no longer lived. If by some miracle Carlisle was right, then Edward wanted nothing more than to join her. Either way, there was no reason to change his mind.

One thought haunted him, however. One terrible doubt that sliced at him with merciless ferocity.

Had she _known_? Before she ended her life, had she realized how much he loved her? Had she finally known that the only thing that could have driven him away was his love for her? Had she recognized the lie for what it was – the most blasphemous words that he had ever uttered? Or had she believed the lie even as she drew her last breath? Had she died cursing him? Or loving him? Which one was worse?

Even now, he could feel the sweet tug of her hands in his hair as she gave herself up to his kisses, pushing her body closer to him. She had always wanted more, to be closer, arching herself into his dangerous embrace, seeking his touch, his caress. Her reactions had always surprised him, so different than anything he had a right to expect. His Bella had no sense of self-preservation, and he had allowed himself to revel in it. Her acceptance, her love, had been an unexpected gift. But Bella had been too fragile for his world and he had finally pushed her out of it.

For her sake. Not his own. Never for his own. He had suppressed his own selfish needs just long enough to walk away.

Yet he had realized he could not_ stay_ away forever. Bella's hold on him had never lessened, and he had been so close to giving in. He had known that one day soon he would go to her and beg for her forgiveness. Unless she had been happy, and then he would have walked away, giving her the only thing he had left to give.

He wished that he could watch her sleep just one more time. He wanted to hear the soft, even sounds of her breath, inhale the delicious fire that was her scent. He wanted to watch the rise and fall of her breasts as she slept, to feel once more the torture it was to keep his hands from her sweet flesh. Just once, he would like to feel her softness beneath him, hear her sigh his name as his body worshipped hers. Edward wished he had the memory of making a place for himself inside of her, of feeling connected to her in a way he had never known with any other, had never _wanted_ with anyone else. He wanted to know what it was like to lose himself in her warmth, to feel like a man rather than a monster, if only for a brief and transitory moment.

He wanted to love Bella as a man loved a woman, to show her every feeling that was in his cold, dead heart.

If he had gone back, maybe that moment might have been his to savor. If he had been strong enough, perhaps one day he could have given into the desires he saw shimmering in her dark eyes, the clutch of her hands on him as they shared their tentative, dangerous kisses.

Now all of that was gone, the possibility of a future had been shattered by his own weakness.

So he waited to see if they would help him end this misery.

Edward kept his expression impassive as he listened to Aro give him the decision. Not that he needed to hear it, he already knew. Carefully, he kept his hands at his side, not wanting to initiate any touch. No need to give Aro a warning.

He had always known that they might decide to refuse him. He had been prepared for that eventuality. He had never been one to leave things to chance, preparation was always the key.

Only when it had come to one clumsy, loving and exasperating human had he ever failed to know what was coming. She had turned his world inside out, upside down - and he could no longer exist in it. So it was time to leave it.

If they would not help him voluntarily, there were always ways to force their hands.

Now he had only to decide how to do so. For the first time in months, he felt almost whole. Soon, one way or another, this would all be over.


	2. Chapter 2

*******Chapter 2: Decisions*******

Edward contemplated his alternatives as he walked away from the Volturi and their decision. If they would not help him voluntarily, then he would give them no other option. The easiest, the quickest, way to get their attention and earn their anger was to hunt in their sacred city. Even the ancients did not dare, and it was that tradition that had kept the city safe for them for so many centuries.

Yes, hunting in Volterra would be the easiest way to get their attention. They would destroy him before they could remember their arguments against doing so. "A waste," Edward snorted as he walked through the dark streets of the ancient city. Edward knew that his existence was the waste, not his meaningless power. It hadn't saved Bella. He would not let it save him. Even more than the Volturi wanted to avoid angering Carlisle, they wanted Edward's power.

Joining the Volturi was the last thing Edward would do, even if somehow he had to live without Bella in the endless days and weeks and years to come. No, that was not an option.

Death was the only way out now.

Bella had chosen it, even though he had begged her not to do so. Now he would join her, if not in whatever came after death, then in leaving this world behind. If Bella was not here, Edward had no interest in staying. He might have been able to survive somehow if he had known that she was happily living out her life somewhere, the life she had deserved and been destined for before he had arrived. It would have almost killed him, but it would have been the best thing for Bella.

He had tried to make that choice for her, and the only result had been tragedy.

So, it was clear now that he must put an ending to all of it. A hunt then. Even the maddeningly reluctant Volturi could not ignore such a blatant disregard for the most sacrosanct of their rules. But even as he stalked through the city, searching for that one perfect victim, the one who _deserved_ death, he could not completely banish Carlisle's face from his mind.

His father's kind and compassionate gaze, the unending patience in his wise counsel, the understanding that he had for those not as strong as he was. Carlisle had never faltered, never fallen. Not once. What would he think when he found out that Edward was dead. And why he had been condemned by the Volturi?

Would his disappointment cloud his other, prouder memories of the son he had created? Or would he forgive Edward, knowing that only a desperate need could have driven him to such an act?

Edward could only hope for the latter.

Still, it did not _feel_ right. The choice rankled, even though it would be the quickest, most efficient way to rouse the wrath of the Volturi.

No. Not even for the blessed release of death could he disappoint Carlisle so utterly. There had to be other ways, other paths to his ultimate destination. Edward just had to find one of them.

* * *

There were many ways to get the attention of the Volturi, and Edward conceived – and ultimately rejected – more than a dozen plans. In the end, he decided that simplicity was best. It had the added appeal of no collateral damage. No more humans would die because of him.

Bella Swan would be his last victim.

Sunlight then, a simple journey into the bright and forbidden sunshine. How often had he longed to feel that warmth on his face without feeling like a freak? He had, for a short time, been able to do so with Bella at his side. She had known him, known all his dark and terrible secrets.

And she had loved him anyway.

He had ruined that, but he could still treasure, for the few hours that were left to him, the memories of their time together. Of all those memories, their hours in their meadow seemed to glow in his mind with their own translucent light. Perhaps because it was there that he had first felt the sun on his face and the warmth of her hand touching his at the same time.

Warmed from within and without. She had reached into his cold, stone heart and brought him to life again, if only for a moment. In her eyes, he had glimpsed his long lost humanity. She had changed him irrevocably. He had been one man before that moment, and another by the time they left that meadow. Not human, perhaps, but something more and better than he had been before Bella.

Now, with the regret of a million decisions and choices outweighed by the simple regret of losing her, he could wish fiercely that he had had the strength – the courage – to be closer to her physically.

What heaven might it have been if he could have let his tongue sweep in to dance with hers? What joy might he have found in the yielding warmth of her body, making way for him as he, for once, felt like man? She would have said yes, he knew that. Her longing, her desire, had been there in every stuttered beat of her heart, in every breath that caught in her throat, in the trembling of her limbs as she embraced him, and in the sweet blush of her cheek.

If he had been human, or just stronger, he could have completed their union. Their hearts had already been bound, one to the other, for all eternity. Bella had shown him that. All that had been lacking was that last physical manifestation of love, the expression of the passion he carried so carefully in his heart. Fear had made him hesitate, his desperate longing always hidden away so that she would never guess the high price of his control.

But if he had surrendered to the need, he would have made love to her, shown her how much he loved and adored her. And she would have taken him into herself with joy and exultation.

Instead, he had pushed her away, so afraid he might hurt her. He had shunned her touch again and again. He had hurt and refused her.

And all for nothing.

In the end, he had killed her anyway.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered, wishing that he would be given just a brief moment with her so that he might tell her how terribly sorry he was for all he had done to her.

Now, with his fate just moments away, he closed his eyes and imagined her face once more. It didn't take much to call her beloved features to mind in perfect, heartbreaking detail. She had been foremost in his thoughts since the day he'd met her. He smiled, seeing her eyes alight with laughter and heard once more the frantic beat of her heart as he pulled her closer.

He could almost hear her voice, calling out to him.

"Edward!"

God, it was so real. Maybe, just maybe, he would have a chance to apologize before he was dragged to hell to atone for all he had done, for what he was. Maybe God would grant him that single mercy, the chance to tell Bella that he loved her and that he was sorry…for everything. That single moment, that slim possibility of absolution, would make an eternity of suffering worth it.

"Edward, no!"

He could hear her more clearly now. Almost as if she was running toward him. How typical of Bella to want to save him, when she was the one in need of saving. But he was too late to save her. Instead, there was this. The shirt slipped from his shoulders and his arms fell to his sides. The shirt pooled at his feet and he felt a strange peace descend upon him.

"NO! Edward, look at me!"

She was still here with him, he mused. Even now, after all he had done. Perhaps she was waiting to greet him, to grant him forgiveness, somehow having seen into the darkest recesses of his heart. Maybe she knew now how completely and imperfectly he had loved her. Her mercy and gracious heart had always surprised him, moved him to speechless wonder.

His foot raised and there was only one step left and the sun would warm his face one last time.

Something slammed into him, soft and warm and yielding and fragrant. Automatically, his arms reached out to embrace her, his body already recognizing what his mind had not yet grasped. His eyes opened and he gazed down at her in wonder.

"Amazing," he murmured. "Carlisle was right." A smile tugged at his lips and he wished he could tell Carlisle what waited on the other side.

Bliss. She blinked up at him, her eyes as full of secrets as they had been in life.

"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing – they're very good." He closed his eyes and pressed his lips to her hair, inhaling the familiar fire of her scent. "Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty." Romeo's words, another doomed lover of legend. Their story would be told by no one, but its beauty was staggering to him, even now, when all was lost. "You smell just exactly the same as always. So maybe this IS hell. I don't care. I'll take it."

It was such a small price to pay to have her back in his arms.

"I'm not dead," she whispered urgently. "And neither are you. Please Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away."

She moved in his arms and he tightened his embrace. He was never going to let her go again, no matter what torments awaited.

"What was that?" he asked, still taking in her unique beauty with hungry eyes.

"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi-"

And the darkest night was pierced by the bright rays of unbearable beauty.

**The End…**

**And so it begins.**


End file.
